Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you win again, gameday.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
