One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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