we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
