It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
