Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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