the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
