it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
