I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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