if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
