Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
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