It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
