Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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