I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
