Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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