I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
