dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
