WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
