I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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