five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
