Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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