What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
