it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
