I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
