her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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