I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
