somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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