....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
