There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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