There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Let's get the cat blown out
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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