I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
