i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
