Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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