Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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