and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
