I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
