so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
