When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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