Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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