didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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