We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
