My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
