and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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