This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
