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roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
