Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
