We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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