oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
