you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
