I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
