wrigley field is MILF paradise
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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