how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You are a genius and a whore.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
