i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
