Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
