Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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