If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
