You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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