this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
