I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
