You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
